Weary

Soar on Wings like Eagles

Lord God, Come, Be my strength and Stability.  

You just plopped in my lap this liability.  

I’m Worn, You've exposed my vulnerability. 

Withholding from me, removing viability.  

And taking from me. Grasping is futility, 

You ask too much of me, beyond my ability.  

Frail and weary, i can feel my fragility. 

Weariness is something I all too easily succumb to. Knowing my bent to discouragement and wanting to give up, one of the most bolstering passages of scriptures for me is Isaiah 40:28-31.  

“Have you not known? Have you not heard? The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable. He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Even youths shall faint and be weary, and young men shall fall exhausted; but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” 

This passage is a reminder to me that no matter what we face, we can soar on wings like eagles IF we WAIT on the LORD. But what does waiting on the LORD look like? What exactly does it require of us? It is a denial of our emotions, where we wear a smile on our face and proclaim our Christian mantra, “I just gotta have faith.”? Is it ok to feel our authentic feelings and cry tears of frustration? Can we mourn the loss of a dream, the loss of a child, or the loss of a marriage in realness to God, while simultaneously be waiting on him? Is the process of feeling our feelings automatically a disqualification of deep, authentic faith? Does God give us that permission and encouragement to hold grief and mourning with hope and joy? By focusing so much on the faith we should have, are we creating a facade. Are we, at its core, internally striving in our own power, to adopt strength and confidence that we do not feel and do not know how to receive?  

What makes you weary? Are you weary of being the one who does all the work as others lounge around enjoying what you do for them like Martha (Luke 10:40)? Or maybe you are weary from holding up something that God has given you to hold like Moses in Exodus 17? Are you feeling weariness from years of disgrace and shame like Hannah endured? Shockingly, we learn that is God who allows this shame to hang over her for He is the one who withheld a child from her.  Maybe you are weary because you’ve lost something dear to you? I take in the weariness of the Woman and at the Well. What had been hers, was taken from her five times over.  God, did you allow this to be removed from her so many times because He wanted her to see that permanence of stability only comes from Him or was this a consequence of her own actions? Was He teaching her to thirst for the only thing that satisfies- His living water? I can’t help but want to cry out, God, in your goodness, why do you allow so much heartache and pain? Why do you hold back good things from those who are faithful to you? God, why do you lead us to these places we'd rather not go and why do you give this liability to me, when it goes beyond what I can handle? As I'm forced to rely on you instead of myself, at the end of it all, can I remain in your surpassing goodness?  Is it worth the cost to me knowing that you are being glorified amid my pain and suffering? That I will cling to your promise of renewed strength, that you will lift me through this?  

As God has led me through seasons of weariness and pain, I recognize that had I not endured them, I would never have learned to rely on the strength of God over my own strength. My moments of authentically waiting on the LORD most often resembles the pouring out of my heart and worries at God’s throne of grace like we see from Hannah in 1 Samuel 1:15, and never am I condemned by bringing my realness, my doubts, my worry, or my pain before him.  Coming to him, as I am, is where I find comfort, encouragement, and solace. It is where I draw my strength from and where I learn to wait on Him.